“I’m going to assume that having close friend(s) is an important goal to you, just as I think it is important to many other people. With that assumption, I have 2 related questions - what qualities are you looking for in a close friend, and how can you find people with those qualities so that you can have a meaningful, close relationship?”
-Daisy

The short answer:

She should make me feel comfortable. More later.

The long answer:

As you may recall, I am not really a friendly person. Even though I feel like I would make a really good friend, I have thus far been unable to make a really good friend. Perhaps it’s because my standards are too high, or because I haven’t talked to enough people, or because robotics has yet to advance to a sufficient degree. But maybe if I explain what kind of person I’m looking for, they’ll flock here like in Field of Dreams. (I hope they’ll be living.)

Once I was lamenting to a friend of mine that there are a bunch of people that were once my friends but to whom I never talk anymore, and really, I had no such desire. To me, these people were no longer my friends, and really wasn’t this inevitable? “You know what they say about old soldiers?” I said. “Well, I guess that’s true about friendships, too.” But she demurred, saying that she thought that friendships were about making a connection with another person that would never go away. Even if two friends grow apart over the years, give them a bit of time together and they’ll be able to reconnect as always. It was a sweet philosophy, and she eventually became the closest friend I’ve ever had. Of course, we’re no longer friends. I guess I showed her.

I still believe that friendships are like old soldiers because I’ve had no evidence to the contrary, but how I’d wish to be proven wrong. And so if I were to ever have a really close friend, they would have to do just that, prove me wrong. I’ll believe it once I experience it for myself.

Since that wasn’t very helpful, I’ll be a little more specific about what I’m looking for in a close friend. First, the superficies. Though gender is not that important since the relationship will be platonic anyway, I’d prefer female to male, if only because I tend to get uncomfortable talking about feelings and such with guys. She should be reasonably fit and roughly my age (since I am both reasonably fit and roughly my age). Finally, it’s not that important, but in all honesty I guess I’d prefer her to be pretty, if only because being seen with attractive people makes me seem cooler.

That’s still a fairly large pool, so I’ll have to whittle it down some more. She has to be smart. I’m not asking for a genius, but if I’m going to be talking to her a lot, I’d be lost at sea if she didn’t understand dry humor, and preferably her bon mots would not bomb either. Intelligence in terms of knowledge is less important than a sharp wit, but obviously it wouldn’t hurt.

She should speak in a fairly down-to-earth manner. That’s sort of vague, but I just mean that she should be able to hold a casual conversation. Sometimes you run across people who try to appear smarter than you at every opportunity, and frankly, there are enough people like me in the world. She should also be good at nonsensical banter. While I’m not a fan of small talk, I can talk forever about a lot of random things, and I’d like someone who would enjoy my inane ramblings and entertain me with her own. Along this vein, she should be a fun person, much like I am not. There are some things that I pretend not to like but into which I would actually like to be dragged, so she should be willing to do the dragging. However, she should also be able to tell when I am not willing to be dragged. In other words, she should be psychic.

We have to have good conversations. I am a terrible conversationalist most of the time, but I think that given the right person, I could talk for hours and not even realize it. She should know when to be serious and when to be silly. She should be a good listener, in that she should really pay attention to what I’m saying as well as what I’m not saying. She doesn’t have to be the most open person in the world, but she should be straightforward and honest. She should have the courage to press me sometimes, because I have the tendency to leave things unsaid that I really want to say. She should not be afraid of an argument, and she should realize that I prefer clarity over tact. She should be able to compromise, but she should admit when she is wrong and tell me when I am wrong. She should be there when I need her and know that I’d do the same for her. She shouldn’t be put off by my idiosyncrasies, nor I by hers. And seeing as how I’m so questionable, she shouldn’t be afraid to ask anything instead of ignoring or assuming.

She should like my scrambled eggs. She should be sometimes lazy, sometimes energetic. She should love Seinfeld and The Office. She should be a good singer, musician, artist, or writer. She should have neat handwriting. She should smile when I least expect it. She should be sweet but a little sassy. She should be willing to gamble sometimes. She should have a life. Her favorite color should not be pink. She should take pleasure in subtlety but know when to be blunt. She should not try too hard but try hard enough. She should trust me. She should prefer creamy peanut butter. She should be modest, kind, playful, resilient, respectful, and respectable. In short, she should be perfect. I hope that narrows it down enough.

Actually, those are just guidelines. All that really matters is that I should feel comfortable being and talking with her, like I do not everyone else in the world. More on the second question later.

Cheers,
-qm

For the second part of this response, see: How do you find friends?