The short answer:

I don’t believe in resolutions.

The long answer:

I’ve made New Year’s resolutions in the past. Last year my resolution was successful, but only because it was for me not to do a certain stupid thing that I won’t describe presently (maybe later). In previous years I think I’ve resolved a few times to “be happy,” but since I don’t ever recall being substantially happier one year than the year before, they’ve probably never been successful. I think once I resolved not to make any more resolutions. At least I lasted a year on that one.

Someone once told me that he didn’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions. His reasoning was that there is no way you can feel very good about what has happened once the year is done. If you don’t fulfill your resolution, then you’re a pathetic failure. If you do, well then congratulations, you did something you set out to do, and honestly, you’d have been a pathetic failure if you hadn’t. So congratulations, you are not a pathetic failure. Now, where’s the booze?

I read an article once that said that something like ninety percent of New Year’s resolutions fail. And these were people who were extra motivated to complete their resolutions, since they were in a study about completing resolutions. And a large percentage of these resolutions were something vague like “be nicer” or “enjoy life more.” So sometimes I wonder why people even bother anymore. But I have a couple ideas that might help resolutions succeed more often.

One problem with New Year’s resolutions is that people tend to forget all about them if it isn’t either January or December. I don’t think about how great costumes and candy are in March, or how great barbecues are on the Fourth of January, or how I don’t know what love is in October, or how great trees and administrative assistants are in November, so why would I think about resolutions in June? Similarly, nobody thinks about not thinking about resolutions when they make their resolutions, and therein lies the problem.

Maybe if people took these seasonal considerations into account, more resolutions would be completed. We should only make resolutions that we can complete in two months with a ten-month break in the middle. For instance, instead of resolving to exercise every week, which apparently requires a year-round commitment, one could resolve to shovel more snow or be nicer to Capricorns on their birthdays.

My other idea is to make resolutions at other times of the year. Honestly, January 1 is sort of an arbitrary date for the start of a new year anyway, so why not also make Halloween resolutions (“wear more masks”), or Administrative Assistants’ Day resolutions (“collate more”)? Perhaps if we were not so accustomed to thinking of resolutions as something that we should consider only once a year, we’d be more like to consider them more than once a year.

But as it is now, the way that our society deals with resolutions seems to be inherently flawed, so I can’t say that I really believe in making a New Year’s or Arbor Day resolution. Still, I feel like I should say something about what I want to happen in the coming year, so how about I try to write in this blog every week? Well, except maybe in February through November.

Cheers,
-qm